WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - If you're wondering why your favorite newspaper rack for The Washington Post is empty today, wonder no more. The country's leading print newspaper does not have a Wednesday edition. Yesterday, in the spirit of public service, newsroom staff of the Post participated in a taste test of the new Pizza Hut hot…

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles) - A coalition of protesters briefly took over the Trump Towers in Las Vegas on Christmas eve, unfurling a huge banner from the building's penthouse that had a 'thumbs down' sign to indicate disapproval of all that the Republican presidential candidate stands for. The protesters included Muslims, Mexican Immigrants, women…

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari): A national survey's findings on the sexual proclivities of America's anti-gay Christian leaders was released Sunday morning in time for many morning masses. The Boston University (BU) survey titled "Quantifying Anti-Gay Christian Leadership Duplicity" showed 7 out of every 10 respondents anonymously declared they were hiding at least one gay lover from virtually everyone else in their life.

BALTIMORE, MARYLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the struggling Republican presidential campaign of neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson announced the candidate would not be available to the press for the entire day. The press was waiting for planned remarks from Dr. Carson when reporters were told he had lost his pants while hunting a unicorn in his kitchen.

Dan Boyer of Tempe, Arizona took his 40,000th crap this week.

WASHINGTON, D.C.--As more Americans discover the extent of their long-repressed offendedness by anything associated with the Confederate flag, the Obama administration today announced that the current U.S. flag would undergo a makeover to remove any symbols that might lead Americans to associate it with the Stars and Bars. "The most obvious aspects we will have…

White people around the globe can celebrate today after once again being named the top race in the world by the International Racist Institute of Greenville, South Carolina.

Aries: The moon is set to eclipse Pluto this month but you won't notice this because Pluto is not visible in the sky even if you squint. Even so, this will play havoc on any of your transport plans and indicates considerable difficulty driving, flying and walking. Take extra precautions when walking around corners on the 6th.

A 3-year-old boy is upset with diaper companies for setting what he calls unreasonable and unhealthy expectations of his peers' appearances.

"So many of our reporters cut their teeth on American gun violence," said an angry CNN V.P. "How the hell are we supposed to fill air time??"

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - The fourth of July would have been a perfect day to welcome the 51st state of the United States, but it seems that may have to wait for yet another year. A U.S. territory, Puerto Rico, and a former U.S. colony, the Philippines, are the top contenders to become the latest…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) announced today he wanted Jesus Christ to be the official animal of the United States instead of the bald eagle. His position quickly split the Republican Party into two camps, and the topic has already started to overshadow other issues on the campaign trail like the economy, social policy, and foreign policy.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was considering switching to the Republican Party to run for president, which she believed would greatly increase her chances of being in the general election due to the party's "facts-optional policy." Clinton blamed the need to consider becoming a Republican on her Democratic rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who had recently surged ahead of Clinton in polls of likely Democratic primary caucus-goers and voters in Iowa and New Hampshire, resp

KANSAS CITY, Missouri (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - A spokesperson for the National Council of La Raza, the biggest Latino advocacy group in the United States, says that the organization invited every current Republican and Democratic presidential candidate to their annual convention taking place in Kansas City, Mo., but only the Democrats agreed to come. That means…

Television personality Mario Lopez's recent meeting with Dick Cheney may have led authorities to him.

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Nearly a billion common houseflies buzzed the nation's capital today to protest a bill that would require flies to show two forms of photo identification when purchasing fly-swatters.  The bill, authored by Sen. Patrick Miyagi (D-HI), has passed the Senate and has been sent to President Obama. Proponents of the proposed new law argue…

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, the Fox Broadcasting Company announced a new political reality show that will force contestants to work with each other respectfully to achieve common goals. "Work Together or Die" will take place in a wing of Bellevue Hospital in New York City, and boast contestants like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly.

Only days after we published pictures of some royal family or other joking about and playing Hitler in the back garden in 1933, evidence that supermarkets are making customers do the Hitler Salute when getting items from high shelves has been shown to this investigative newspaper for the first time.

"I realize this kind of thing has happened hundreds of times before," the Sgt. said, "but somehow I never thought that if I posted something racist it would be perceived in the only way it could possibly be perceived."

Battling cancer since he was five, Jake Doughty's illness never gave him a chance to go hunting or even fire a gun, but the 10 year-old still managed to take down a white tail buck before he died Monday.