Following a deadly shootout among five rival motorcycle gangs at a Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco, TX, the head of the Hooters restaurant chain reminded Americans that they can still eat subpar food served by garishly sluttified women in relative safety at his company’s eateries.

Fears were growing last night that pandas, some as old as 5, were pooping too much from all the bamboo they eat, according to scientists.

WACO (The Barbed Wire) - Video footage from the parking lot of the Twin Peaks restaurant shows that Pee Wee Herman accidentally started the big biker fight this past weekend. Witnesses from inside the restaurant at the time say that Pee Wee had just regaled the crowd of bikers with a bad-to-the-bone performance of the "Tequila!" when the incident went south…