WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle East than it had been prior to the terrorist attacks in Paris last night. President Obama explained air strikes that resulted in significant collateral damage were "the only way" to show the West's enemies that targeting civilians outside of the Middle East was completely unacceptable.

Businessmen – what a bunch of scumbags, eh? Yeah, that's right, I'm dissing businessmen, in fact, I'm being anti-business. Heresy, I know, in today's political climate, but the fact is that businessmen and their businesses are no good...

A man dressed as a man down the pub has won the Eurovision Song Contest for the first time in 60 years, it was revealed last night.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, President Obama spoke about how the Trans-Pacific Partnership - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedom of all Americans to drink poisonous fracking water. President Obama announced TPP will allow natural gas companies to sue the United States so they can overturn fracking bans and extract natural gas by pumping poisonous water into the ground, resulting in contaminated aquifers and other public water sources.

When a member of Congress is implicated in a sex scandal, he most often resigns. And of those who don't resign, almost all of their careers are irreparably ruined. Almost all of them.

Queens, NY – If anyone were going to turn the reality TV industry on its ear, it would be either Piers Morgan or 50 Cent.  Ironically, it is a partnership between the two megastars that will do just that.

WACO (The Barbed Wire) - Video footage from the parking lot of the Twin Peaks restaurant shows that Pee Wee Herman accidentally started the big biker fight this past weekend. Witnesses from inside the restaurant at the time say that Pee Wee had just regaled the crowd of bikers with a bad-to-the-bone performance of the "Tequila!" when the incident went south…

Boulder, CO – Several studies have been conducted about how much bacteria food will collect when dropped on the ground.  This phenomenon, known as the “5 second rule,” has been a point of contention amongst scientists for years.  Is it ok to eat food that drops on the ground or should it be thrown away immediately?

A terminally ill Star Wars fan who was granted his final wish to view Star Wars: The Force Awakens prior to its December 18th release date says he now wants that two hours of his life back.

On May 22 MSNBC’s Chris Hayes expressed amazement that he has heard no response from the NRA to a smart gun “truce” offered them on May 5 by a New Jersey State senator who is at the forefront of anti-gun activity in her state.

Dan Boyer of Tempe, Arizona took his 40,000th crap this week.

Gov. Bobby Jindal announced his continued descent into abject shamelessness yesterday by officially declaring his candidacy for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination.

Little Rock, AR – Just when you thought you had all of the simple stuff figured out, some brainy white-haired guy from a local Community College tells you that you’re wrong.  Such is the case with Dr. Brian Sloss, who teaches a variety of different classes at ‘Little Rock – Big University.’  

Let's all get offended. After all, it's all that anyone ever does on the web these days. Social media is just full of people wailing about how something th

Washington – Being the great buddies that they are, President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden recently took some time together to watch their beloved Washington Nationals play some baseball.  Given morbidly boring nature of the game of baseball, the two had some time to chat about things other than baseball.  

Egypt's entire Mickey Mouse Club has been imprisoned while it's Christmas special was being aired, according to people close to the prison keys.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

According to liberal pundits, national figures in the right-wing media have a puzzling habit of attacking Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s hair. They have coupled this with other sexist attacks…For instance, Rush Limbaugh’s description of her as “one of those women you’re happy somebody else married.”
Here's a few current comments about Frizzle-dwarf and her hair….

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - A day after its successful flyby, NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft sent back the first close-up photos of Pluto. The piano-sized spacecraft traveled nine years and three billion miles to study the dwarf planet and its five moons. (On Aug. 24, 2006, the International Astronomical Union (IAU), an organization of professional…

It is believed that Jesus joined the social networking scene soon after Tim Tebow returned to an active NFL roster.  He, or his Father, did text several of the current presidential candidates so it’s really hard to tell when the arisen one has returned.

Stamford, CT –  Lizzy Morgan is a normal 6 year old girl who loves her chicken.  “She’s kind of a picky eater,” says Mom.  “The one thing she will eat religiously is chicken.