WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The Republican National Committee announced today it will be having all of its presidential candidates compete with each other to see who can make a child of illegal immigrants cry the fastest. The competition will be named "Only the Republican Who Makes a Child of Illegal Immigrant Parents Cry Fastest Can Truly Protect America," and will take place at 9pm EST on Thursday, August 20th near the El Paso, Texas border crossing.