The Department of Homeland Security is asking the public to stop spreading images of hybrid Confederate-LGBT rainbow flags.

"I just want to slip on some spandex trunks and go dancing with my new doggie friend." Kent Rugby, Hunkist

The Littlefield Police Department has acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a Department of Defense program that distributes surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the country.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) announced today he wanted Jesus Christ to be the official animal of the United States instead of the bald eagle. His position quickly split the Republican Party into two camps, and the topic has already started to overshadow other issues on the campaign trail like the economy, social policy, and foreign policy.

"That's why The Queen has to practice putting her crown on. If her eyes go like that she looks really funny." Harry Zonderblurb, Psychiatrist

DAMASCUS, Syria (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The U.S. appears to be losing some ground in the war on terror in Syria. CNN is reporting that ISIS is advancing on two fonts: Times New Roman and Arial Bold.  

Twin fences purportedly intended to protect the nation's borders with Canada and Mexico appear to be swinging inward and upward in a manner that has many residents of the nation's Southern and Midwestern states worried.

What started out as jubilation over a momentous scientific achievement soon devolved into dangerous riots after NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft flew past Pluto.

MIAMI, Florida (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Miss Universe is up for sale! No, not Paulina Vega, the reigning title holder from Colombia, but Miss Universe the pageant. Republican presidential candidate and real estate mogul Donald Trump told reporters he was putting his 49% stake in the pageant on the market. Trump has been the face…

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - Because of his thoughtless comments about senator John McCain being captured during the Vietnam war, Republican Party Chairman, Reince Priebus, has ordered that presidential candidate Donald Trump be held in a broom closet for one year to learn some empathy for what Mr. McCain went through.

George Lucas, the director and creator of Star Wars, the wildly successful story of war in space, was forced to make a public apology last night after he went too far in an interview. But our experts have found he is much more quarrelsome than originally thought, as these nine other incidents show this week that were successfully kept from the press by his PR experts...

Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, widely regarded as one of the most important novels of world literature, has been given a 21st century refashioning to make it less boring for modern readers.

"I hope they aren't expecting milk from these teats." Kent Rugby, Shirtless Dancer

America's youngsters lead the world in swearing and name calling proficiency, a new study shows.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the anti-choice movement in America was outraged when President Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood announced her organization was responsible for preventing more abortions than they were. Richards explained that because Planned Parenthood promoted contraception and education about having sex responsibly it was far more effective at stopping abortions than a bunch of hypocrites who ignore human sexuality and just tell people "sex bad, don't do it."

Jacksonville, FL –  It’s no secret the world is moving faster than ever.  There is more stress and less time to sleep.  For the millions who have various sleep disorders, this is a recipe for severe anxiety and depression.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Iran had launched an attack on the Islamic State's "Muhammad Moon Base 1" believing the base was holding afterlife virgins hostage. Fox News alerted its viewers to the existence of the Islamic State's moon base on July 18th - when it warned of an imminent attack on the United States - and today criticized the Obama Administration's failure to do anything about it.

Office workers at TechDorling Inc. have spent the last year working hard to not broach the subject of the Black Lives Matter movement.

Philadelphia, PA –  After being given an 18th chance at being a starting quarterback in the NFL, Tim Tebow knows that this is a critical time for him to show what he can do.  Always the lightning rod, Tebow goes against most conventions people are comfortable with.  He flaunts his religious beliefs and doesn’t hide the fact that he’s left-handed.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - At least he is consistent with his views on immigration and birthright citizenship. Recently, Donald Trump laid out his immigration policy wherein he maintained that children born in America of undocumented immigrants should not be automatically considered U.S. citizens. And that includes Chinese pandas born in the National Zoo.…