“Though he’s only been on the scene a short time, he’s made inroads,” said political analyst Donna Brazile.

Gulf coast lifeguard Matt Trist is refusing to enter the ocean along the Alabama coast where he works. He is telling his employer that he will only submerge himself in holy water and that "anything else infringes upon his religious freedom."

Simi Valley, CA – As expected, all candidates not named Trump took aim at the frontrunner in the polls in the most recent debate.  For the most part, Trump was able to dodge the feeble attacks from the other weak candidates.

White Plains, NY – Ben Tripper is a local computer programmer and admits that he overanalyzes things from time to time.  

LANCASTER, MASS. — The warden at the Souza-Baranowski Correctional Facility in Lancaster, Mass., has apologized after al…

MOREHEAD, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Last week, a bigoted Kentucky woman who has been breaking federal law and disrespecting the supreme authority of the Constitution since late June - all because she hates "the gays" - was awarded a plaque by a well-known national bigoted organization for being a prominent bigot in 2015. Today, the notable bigot displayed her bigot plaque in the office where she continued to not do her job, and returned to making a mockery of the rule of law while she hid behind her religion to continue being bigoted.

Torrington, CT – Eleanor and Darren Minson were just blessed with a healthy 11 pound baby boy.  It is their first child.  They’ve been at home now for about 3 weeks with their new bundle of joy and Eleanor is still pretty sore.  

PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations announced it was exiling former Governor Lincoln Chafee to Block Island, located approximately 13 miles south of the Rhode Island coast, following his performance at last night's Democratic presidential debate. Rhode Island Governor Gina Raimondo announced Chaffee - who was also mayor of the state's second largest city before representing Rhode Island as a US Senator - was being exiled due to a public outcry in response to his "highly embarrassing...

Deluded film director Quentin Tarantino would like to ban black people from ever watching his films according to a press update from his publicist.

Jeb Bush, a middle-aged to elderly-looking male with glasses, announced his candidacy for President today.

FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - In a final effort to pump up his floundering poll numbers, Jeb! Bush has hired the Hillary Clinton campaign team to oversee a relaunch of his campaign. Since the Clinton team has relaunched Hillary's campaign six times in six months, Jeb! figured they were the right people for the job.

One of the leaders of the University of Missouri protest group Concerned Student 1950 says that the main source of their discontent is chronic constipation.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Americans electing the United States' first female president was worth the final collapse and permanent extinction of the American middle class. Clinton urged Americans to not be sexist, and to vote for her instead of trying to prevent both their standard of living and wages from continuing their free fall courtesy of the very people bankrolling her presidential campaign.

Ultra-wealthy actress had no idea her luxury T.V. spot for EA might rankle the rank and file.

Hockey is awesome and it plays on televisions in sports bars. People watch those televisions and drink alcohol.

NEW YORK CITY--In an effort to increase membership and an eye toward modernization, the Girl Scouts of the United States of America will soon begin allowing girls to complete many of the tasks required to be Girl Scouts on the internet, according to GSUSA Director of Communication Hannah Marquez.  Marquez cited the recent success of…

Clint Eastwood counsels Class of 2015 on the good, the bad and the ugly.

Scotland are to boycott the World Cup in 2018, bringing to 4 the number of World Cups they have boycotted since 1998, according to a source with a pronounced Scottish accent.

Despite greater strides made toward purchasing parity between the sexes, a recent study shows that women in the U.S. still spend around 77 cents for every dollar a man earns.

Congress just passed a bill establishing new names for popular foods with Arab roots.