A Donald Trump supporter is proudly showing off his new tattoo of the Republican front runner in tabloids across the globe, it appeared when we looked in other tabloids as we don't have it in ours.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Congressional Republicans thanked the millions of misinformed voters who think they know stuff for giving them control of Congress and making the upcoming October government shutdown possible. Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets were also acknowledged for feeding Republican voters a steady, poisonous diet of misinformation that turned them into voters who were more dangerous than uninformed voters.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - A TNA study released today showed 98.6% of Donald Trump's supporters were unable to spell or define "xenophobia." The study also showed roughly the same results for those who were asked to spell or define "authoritarianism."

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - General Motors, a person who confessed to killing over 100 people using a defective ignition switch in automobiles it manufactured, agreed to pay $900 million yesterday. This morning, GM announced it was "very sorry" for the first degree murders it was responsible for committing over more than a decade, and asserted a trial resulting in either life in prison or the death penalty was not a realistic criminal penalty for the type of person it was.

Vatican City – Pope Francis, ahead of a visit to the United States starting September 22nd, has wasted no time in creating a wave of hope for the God fearing church goers as well as the sinful dirty atheists.  

Having finally laid to rest their classic horror monsters by pitching them against Abbott and Costello in a series of cheap B-movies, Universal Pictures, desperate to prop up the dire duo’s film career, turned their attention to another of their best loved franchises - Sherlock Holmes.

THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Secretary of Defense Ashton B. Carter defended the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter from critics who claimed the aircraft's wings randomly falling off was "a serious and potentially dangerous design flaw." Lockheed Martin announced it was "looking into the alleged wing malfunction," and would require "no less than another billion or so" to remedy what it classified as "a low-priority design glitch."

Local fast-food worker Darren Grossebite, 24, who drives a beat-up 1991 Suzuki Swift, obviously has a large cock, according to onlookers familiar with the inverse correlation between the size of a man’s vehicle and his penis.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) - Two of the country's minority journalism organizations today formally protested the use of the term 'illegal alien' in the new Hollywood film, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. The Asian American Journalists Association(AAJA) and the National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ) sent a strongly-worded joint letter to Zack Snyder accusing…

THE KREMLIN (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin announced he was running for the Republican presidential nomination due to how much his policies overlapped with those of the GOP. Putin's announcement elicited immediate gushing from Republicans and the right-wing propaganda networks that have praised Putin's strength and intelligence for years while they condemned President Obama for not starting a war with Russia over regional conflicts.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - Yelp Inc. has filed a $10 million dollar lawsuit against the creators of South Park, seeking damages caused by the latest episode of the popular television show which lampooned the customer review and local business rating website. In response, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of the animated series,…

Seattle, WA – A small but growing group of small business owners and consumers are creating anarchy in the great city of Seattle to prove a point to the government.  

ROCK HILL, South Carolina ( The Adobo Chronicles ) - While the Republicans are working hard to exclude the liberal media from the GOP presidential debates, the Democrats have decided to be  more inclusive -- by including the candidates' spouses. The next debate -- technically being called a 'forum'  -- will be held Friday, November 6 at…

Queen Accused of Breaking Wind During Two Minute Silence at Cenotaph. Royal Fart Widely Condemned as Disrespectful - Not to Mention Noxious - to Britain's War Dead and Military Veterans.

TURKEY (The Barbed Wire) - Sticking to his strategy of no "boots on the ground" in the fight against ISIS, President Obama now says he is examining what he called "an interesting option" that could potentially take the place of his current strategy, which is military paralysis.

GOULBURN, Australia (The Adobo Chronicles) - Many of us have heard the phrase, "It's raining cat's and dogs," and it's really more of a figure of speech.  We've also heard "It's raining men," but that's a 1980's hit song by The Weather Girls. However, in Australia, when one says, "It's raining spiders," it really IS…

Every student who entered the 2015 Purina Puppy Chow National Spelling Bee clinched the title yesterday by attempting to spell words.

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles) - CNN, the first and most respected 24-hour cable news network, launched on June 1, 1980. On that day, 35 years later, the network will look back at the biggest stories in the network’s history. Here are the highlights of those amazing 35 years: Don Lemon, telling black people they shouldn't wear…

In a surprise news conference, God announced plans to shift his climate policy for Texas and Oklahoma from crippling drought to Noah-style flooding.

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, citizens of a Christian nation assaulted each other to get their hands on a finite supply of heavily discounted 4-slice digital toasters at a well-known national department store. The American Christians used their fists, feet, and a wide variety of other means of physical violence on their fellow God-fearing brothers and sisters to gain an advantage in acquiring the desirable material possession.